Positive illusions

"...manifestation of egatism involves the tendency for people to see not only themselves but also their partners and relationships in an unrealistically positive light.....positive illusions are linked to relationship satisfaction and stability...Furthermore, the quest for felt security may actually undermine satisfaction in the long run because it blinds people to relational difficulties when they are still small enough to be solved...It is perfectly feasible to be in love with and committed to someone whom one does not overidealize and to face relationships with a realistic judgement of their difficulty and fragility, thereby reducing the likelihood of being blindsided by problems in the future...
...Given the inportance of significant others to people's self-concepts, believing that one is in a close relationship with an undesirable partner undermines one's own self-image...
...Overly positive views of one's partner may also reflect a self-representational tactic designed to convince other people of one's own positive qualities...it is generally in their best interests that other people perceive their partners positively...
...the tendency for people to idealize their romantic partners may stem as much from their egotistical inclinations to perceive themselves positively or to convey positive impressions of themselves to others as from their desire to feel secure in the relationship..." (Mark. R. Leary)

After reading the text of Leary, boom, it just reflects what i have in mind.
I used to think that i wasn't self-centered, but after reviewing my thoughts of chosing a life long partner, it has no doubt at all, that i wasn't lived for my own sake, but living in the eyes of others approval.
Or maybe i have realized, the motivation of being 'myself' is just to gain the approval of others, but unconscously, i didn't have the courage to view the clear picture.

After studying interpersonal communication, i have realized how naive to be an idealist in a relationship. Jenny told me that she still has her dream, to have a wonderful marriage, to 'work on' the problems that might arise in a marriage or relationship. Should i call this self-serving bias? everyone is an egotist, everyone thought that they would do better than others. Should i still have hope in searching for the 'perfect' one? or Maybe, before having hope of searching the 'perfect' one, i should realize and accept the fact that 'everyone is a fallibly human being'?

了解 需要很大的勇氣
踏出 需要更大的勇氣
我的勇氣 來自別人的認可
原來 這就是我所謂的人生