Two more days, then my exams for winter term will be done! can't wait till thursday...hope that all the stress that i am having right now and all the tiredness will be over by then!
Talked to Julianne today, again, about this guy... she knows all the stories about him, and him. eventually, she still couldn't catch my thought... I think i still like him, so how can i be with him if i am still thinking of another person? everything seems so bizarre for me, things just happened without my anticipation, that's life, isn't it? now, every night before going to bed, i feel stuck, into him...
...maybe it was weird for her to understand why don't i want to hang out with him, since she is good at socialize and meeting new people. I feel weird, always, that it seems like my obligation to hang out with someone that i don't feel comfortable with. Or maybe, i have already put a thought to myself that i will not enjoy hanging out with him, because i am thinking of another. This was bad, because this 'assumption' would really make me feel this way...sigh Something that she had said just hit into my thought, that not every romantic relationship in a person life contains 'true love'. Maybe it was true, every relationship can be created without 'true love'. But, it raises a question for me, 'how people deal with someone that they don't love for the rest of their life? or for that particular moment?' It might be loneliness, or he just happened to be there when someone needs him. But do i really want that? Maybe now it is still too early to say that i don't like him, coz we only chatted for twice and met maybe once...but if i feel that i can't find the happiness when i think of him, or when he called, i can't find the excitement, is it still too early to say that i don't know how i feel toward him? Or maybe Jenny was right, i am still fresh and do not really know what exactly do i want.
I do not know where will this inner fear leads me, but, we'll see.
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