Finally...

This blog hasn't been updated for some time...whether it is because I have losen the strength of writing or just simply losen the courage to manifest my feelings. Whoever is checking my blog once in awhile, I apologize for the disappoinment.
I have been obsessed with the show "Desperate Housewives" lately. It talks about the lives of families in Wisteria Lane, a beautiful residential area with friendly neighbours, but behind the doors, everyone is having a little of their own dirty laundries.
"Everyone has his own dirty laundry" begins the stories of these four women who seem to live in a happy yet a hidden desperate life. The lines inspired me as a repressed and restricted human being, they reminded me of how I live through my life...

"In a world filled with darkness,we all need some kind of light
whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we have lost
or the powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters
or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past
we all need something to help us get through the night
even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope." (DH, episode 8, 2nd season)

There was a scence, when Carlos was trying to help his wife, Gabbrielle, to move on by hiring his 'prison' mate after she has lost their baby in an unintention way. At first, everyone thought that she has recovered from the lost, even herself. Was she cold hearted? or was she self-centered? She thought that she was selfish because of not having the intention to manifest her grief over this lost in which she has just started to embrace the gain. The balloon represents the spirit of a life lost, by letting it go, she would recognize the pain feel and releas it at the same time. She denied the feeling that deep under her heart, she thought that it was easy for her to let go of the balloon. But in the end, she recognized how much grief she has by releasing the balloon that also letting go the past. Doesn't matter whether this is the same old stuff that we have learned in the movies or a deed that one would bring disgrace to oneself, it helps me to learn one should be failthful to one's heart and recognize the grief that one denies. Maybe, there is still grief underneath somewhere in my heart, maybe, one day I would recognize and let go...